Hallway Morons

Have you ever noticed how, no matter where you are, if there's a moderate amount of people in the hallways of where you are, that you're never going to get to where you need to be? It seems every day, people get even more and more ignorant and oblivious when it comes to something as menial as walking down a hallway.

What are some classic symptoms of you being a hallway moron? Take a look-see, if you have at least one of these, then congratulations on your new found failure at life:

* Overall slow speed.
This is the most common symptom of a hallway moron. Everyday, I'm *this* close to being late for class; not because I'm walking around and talking to people, but, no, because some douchebag in front of me is moving at about 0.006 mph. ARG.

* Inappropriate positioning.
When the not-so-elusive hallway moron manages to completely abandon any notion of velocity whatsoever, they can be found standing around with their thumb up their ass. This couldn't be that much of a problem, right? Well, if they could just stand to the fucking side, it wouldn't be! But no such luck. Just try and get anywhere wen the hallway moron has resorted to this. You'll be lucky to get somewhere 15 minutes late. It's like being stuck behind a train. GAH.

* Noise Pollution.
Who needs peace and quiet? I forget the meaning of the word, it's so useless! Just when you thought the area you're in couldn't get any louder, the incredibly exotic hallway moron will spring up out of seemingly nowhere, whooping it up, getting into heated competitions of who can pointlessly shout who's name the loudest, and exclaiming, in the manner of an airplane engine, meaningless small talk and reminiscences. These exuberant mating calls of the hallway moron are precious treasures, as they are usually only heard once in a lifetime. Who needs those eardrums, anyway?

* Uninitiated Interaction.
Why walk someplace on a busy schedule while keeping to yourself? The hallway moron can sometimes be found, coupled wit their usual noise pollution, to be engaging in some sort of facetious gestures with the innocent bystander, unprovoked. Scientists are still currently baffled as to how one could possibly be the "bro" or "dawg" of an organism without as much prior data as a first name, but they can confirm that you'll spend at least one (1) day of your life "slapping five" with one of these pseudo-people.

* General "Fuck You" worthiness.
Are you in the hallways of someplace doing anything other than keeping to yourself? Count yourself as an honorary part of the club, because pretty much anything outside of that is good enough for that label, as far as I'm concerned. "BUT AKOYO WAT IF NBDY WAZ DOIN ANYTING IN TE HALLS BUT WLKIN? IT WUD B BORIN, LOL". Good. Shut the hell up, don't make any sort of contact with anyone else, and be miserable like a normal human behaves.

So there you have it. Do something on here, but don't count yourself as one of them? Get over it, you're part of the losing team.

I don't understand it. You want to ruin everything by not going someplace? Yeah, fine, do what you want. But get out of my way and shut the hell up if you're going to, I've got places to be. You don't have any license to ruin what I'm trying to do.

Get bent.