Left v. Right (A.k.a. Political Whining)

Shut up, Republicans. Your kind are generally (because hating any group's members as a whole is just like racism) the worst things to be around since malaria-ridden mosquitoes before bug spray. You don't stay true to the conservative ideals you claim to have. You spread lies and rumors about innocent people. You worship loud mouth, bloated idiots, much like the lot of you. You associate yourself with people who preach the importance of decency and political correctness above all other issues, whilst they morally bankrupt everyone they know. You're just all around terrible people, and most of the things you believe are antiquated and harmful. mostly. I'm sure not every single republican is like that.

And you too, Democrats. Some of you are just too...much of hippies. The quintessential right-wing-nightmare kind of leftist. Complete and total socialism will not work. Communism...has obviously been a failure, quit trying. Some of the things you say are so peachy, PC, sugary, and limp-wristed, it makes me want to kill myself for knowing pansies like you are out there trying to run the government. Of course, most Democrats are well-adjusted human beings, that don't give much thought to extremism of any kind.

Point is I hate the stereotypes of both of your sides, and I hate far-_____. Radicals on either side of the political spectrum are...sickening. Ir's all annoying.

There's stuff about each of your sides that I'm not partial to, but that's good; that's healthy. Just get this, already: if you've ever bitched and moaned about "what they did now," just cram it. You both feed off of the crap. You need each other, because you need some faceless entity of everything you're opposed to; you both need something to target all your hate onto within the confines of political correctness. It's just your thing.

And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, especially if you're an American citizen.

I'm not saying anybody has to set aside their differences and hold hands and make the world fart rainbows or any of that crap. No, that would be both pointless, and impossible. Just realize that no matter what slight movement or whatever part of a word a person of either party says, the opposing members will twist it until they find some fault with it. No matter. What. Just learn to love it!

Embrace the fact that no matter where you'll stand, you can always project your hate onto somebody else's political beliefs as a whole.

As for us libertarians...well, when they get popular in the top levels of government, we'll see who we pin all the hate one, and I'll still say the same thing.

Preachy Vegetarians

Now, let me get one thing straight: not all vegetarians are terrible people. I have a few friends and family that are (unfortunately). And besides, there are plenty of them out there that, for instance do it for religious reasons, or they find tearing into a carcass just plain nasty. It's not always an ethics thing. Some do it for dieting reasons, too. But these are the kind I hate: the preachy ones.

Now, I'm an atheist. I have my opinions, and sometimes I express what they are. They are mine, and mine alone. So, preachy vegetarians could learn a thing or two from my example: DON'T TRY TO CONVERT PEOPLE. Honestly, nobody cares THAT MUCH about your diet choice. I mean, to normal people, this is a conversation:

"*Some odd way to bring it up* ...So, you know, I'm actually a vegetarian."
"Oh, is that so? I didn't know. Cool, I guess."

But to preachy vegetarians, this is the conversation:

"BEHOLD, AS I BESTOW UPON YOU THE MIGHTY, AWESOME, KNOWLEDGE THAT IS MY, AND SOLELY MY ALONE, DIETING OPTION."
"Ho. Lee. Shit. TELL ME MORE, YOU MAGNIFICENT GOD OF A MAN, I MUST FELLATE YOU FOR YOUR REVOLUTIONARY, RADICAL THINKING!"

I mean, you don't even need to know what subject they're talking about, do you have any idea how rude it is to try and force your thoughts on somebody? Do you want me getting in your face about how there isn't a god? No, that wouldn't be nice, right? But it's perfectly acceptable for you to cram your lifestyle down my throat? No. Pick one.

Listen, I eat meat. It's delicious. I don't care if I'm chowing down on a decomposing once-organism, it's good eating, juices and all. It's where I get my protein. I hate eating nuts, I find them nasty. I once went three days without meat, and I nearly passed out, I was so deprived. I took one bite of a fatty, greasy, bacon, sausage, egg and cheese biscuit, and I felt like Chuck Norris.

You see, if you were one of these aforementioned people, you might get a little uncomfortable if I tried to convince you of this. This is why the tables are reversed.

And besides, if you try and argue with me about vegetarianism, prepare to be lambasted, moron. I've got days worth of material about why you're not any better than me. Are you or I necessarily right? No. But don't act like you're better than me, because you're going to get sent home crying for not preparing your rhetoric.

Hallway Morons

Have you ever noticed how, no matter where you are, if there's a moderate amount of people in the hallways of where you are, that you're never going to get to where you need to be? It seems every day, people get even more and more ignorant and oblivious when it comes to something as menial as walking down a hallway.

What are some classic symptoms of you being a hallway moron? Take a look-see, if you have at least one of these, then congratulations on your new found failure at life:

* Overall slow speed.
This is the most common symptom of a hallway moron. Everyday, I'm *this* close to being late for class; not because I'm walking around and talking to people, but, no, because some douchebag in front of me is moving at about 0.006 mph. ARG.

* Inappropriate positioning.
When the not-so-elusive hallway moron manages to completely abandon any notion of velocity whatsoever, they can be found standing around with their thumb up their ass. This couldn't be that much of a problem, right? Well, if they could just stand to the fucking side, it wouldn't be! But no such luck. Just try and get anywhere wen the hallway moron has resorted to this. You'll be lucky to get somewhere 15 minutes late. It's like being stuck behind a train. GAH.

* Noise Pollution.
Who needs peace and quiet? I forget the meaning of the word, it's so useless! Just when you thought the area you're in couldn't get any louder, the incredibly exotic hallway moron will spring up out of seemingly nowhere, whooping it up, getting into heated competitions of who can pointlessly shout who's name the loudest, and exclaiming, in the manner of an airplane engine, meaningless small talk and reminiscences. These exuberant mating calls of the hallway moron are precious treasures, as they are usually only heard once in a lifetime. Who needs those eardrums, anyway?

* Uninitiated Interaction.
Why walk someplace on a busy schedule while keeping to yourself? The hallway moron can sometimes be found, coupled wit their usual noise pollution, to be engaging in some sort of facetious gestures with the innocent bystander, unprovoked. Scientists are still currently baffled as to how one could possibly be the "bro" or "dawg" of an organism without as much prior data as a first name, but they can confirm that you'll spend at least one (1) day of your life "slapping five" with one of these pseudo-people.

* General "Fuck You" worthiness.
Are you in the hallways of someplace doing anything other than keeping to yourself? Count yourself as an honorary part of the club, because pretty much anything outside of that is good enough for that label, as far as I'm concerned. "BUT AKOYO WAT IF NBDY WAZ DOIN ANYTING IN TE HALLS BUT WLKIN? IT WUD B BORIN, LOL". Good. Shut the hell up, don't make any sort of contact with anyone else, and be miserable like a normal human behaves.

So there you have it. Do something on here, but don't count yourself as one of them? Get over it, you're part of the losing team.

I don't understand it. You want to ruin everything by not going someplace? Yeah, fine, do what you want. But get out of my way and shut the hell up if you're going to, I've got places to be. You don't have any license to ruin what I'm trying to do.

Get bent.

People who take this for granted...

You know what the greatest part about living in America is? Oh, nothing, just overhearing a stupid, stereotypical, little teenage girl telling her stupid, stereotypical, little teenage friends that she has no idea what the First Amendment is because she's "not going to, like, read, like the whole Constitution or anything." That bitch. I hate her.

Maybe she shouldn't know what the First Amendment is, because everyone knows you shouldn't educate your slaves. Yes, children, off to work at a menial mining career. The world's full of 6.5 billion people, a large percentage of which are useless children. It's like the orphans in the Pony Express. When they got scalped by a bunch of Indians for stepping over arbitrary boundaries to deliver forced smalltalk to important people - aristocratic adults - nobody gave a rat's ass! What happened to that?! I hate dealing with children everyday. They're loud, polluting, they walk slow in front of me, and murder other inferior children's psyches all through their pathetic existence. We should put them to work, for slave wages, the worst, most terrible jobs America has to offer. How do you think the Industrial Revolutions and the better half of the 20th century was so successful? Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, right.

Now, I've previously touched upon people who disrespect the troops. Well, this is pretty much an extension of that. To offhandedly, completely, disregard ALL THE PEOPLE that died because of the ability to make something like that, and, by extension, every fallen soldier since then...GAHHH. I just want to snap their little necks...at the very least, I hope she chokes to death on all that saliva she generates every day while she has a glazed over moronic look on her face, struggling to comprehend the very basics of who Isaac Newton was.

But it's not just idiotic children. People who take the Constitution for granted sicken me. You may not be saying anything bad about our military, but, really, if you don't understand why people don't usually correct the dreadfully stupid things you say all the time, then we'll kindly give you 48 hours to browse through Washington D.C's finest before we evict you. From the country. Don't appreciate it, then deportation, bitch! That's how I'd roll. Let some other country deal with her. Like Macedonia. When's the last time people even knew that was still a country, let alone one that gave the world anything of value? Bah. I hate people. Especially the unappreciative, conniving littler ones.

People [who disrespect the troops]

Why the brackets? Because it could either way. Geez, don't you know how those work? I insult your general ignorance.

As if it wasn't enough that people are the worst, period, some of them have to go and branch off into sub-categories of things that deserve extra hatred. In this post, I'm talking about the people who "diss" (I'm not writing "disrespect" every time, get bent) the military. (Not that I like you more for doing any of the following anyway, but...) You can hate the government. You can hate the president himself. You can hate the countless blowhard politicians who are more obsessed with bickering over which camp is right rather than showing concern for actual human lives (actually, that one's okay). You can hate the cause itself. You can hate the war itself. But there's no way in hell I'm going to let you hate our armed forces. (Except the coast Guard, since they should just be one of the uniformed services and not one of the armed forces.)

See, here's the thing: without men willing to put their lives on the line fr something as trivial as ideology, this nation would just be southern Canada. A little back story:

We were once just a humble set of thirteen colonies that were controlled by Great Britain. One day, we got fed up with their shit, and a bunch of awesome-smart, deist, presumably beef jerky eating, bad asses wrote up our Declaration of Independence. This note was basically one big "fuck you, we're leaving" to the King of England. The Revolutionary War ensued because of this, and because of our Continental Army, and our awesome guerilla soldiers, we were able to retain our independence, and go on to create the Constitution (a little more on it's qualities of awesomeness below). We wouldn't even be a nation without our fighting men (and supposedly women, but I'm still skeptical about the truth of this).

I'm not even going to bother listing off every single military engagement henceforth, (though I would enjoy that), because it ultimately boils down one thing: WITHOUT OUR TROOPS, YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO SHIT.

The reason why we get to continue to be so awesome is because nobody has the balls to invade us (yet), due to us having the single most powerful military force in the history of mankind. Not everybody exactly agrees with us flaunting democracy, capitalism, liberty, and common sense. The only reason we can continue to follow the greatest document ever drafted, which all countries followed suit and tried to copy later on to get their shit together, the U.S. Constitution, is because the only thing standing in between that and a bloodthirsty enemy is the U.S. military. Men and women die just to uphold those simple, yet powerful, values, and to keep your sorry ass out of trouble.

And what's the Bill of Rights? The first ten amendments of the Constitution. What do we all love, and sometimes to take for granted, so much about the Bill of Rights? The fact that it guarantees us our freedom to say whatever the hell we want, no matter how stupid it may be.

So when those select few assholes sit around, contributing nothing of worth to society, and badmouth the troops, it really gets my blood boiling. There's nothing to do but snap your head towards their general direction, go berserk, and put their stupid ass in a coma. You can't just sit there and diss the people that die on a daily basis just so you can say whatever stupid bullshit you want about this.

You can hate everything else about the war, but when you spit in the face of the soldier himself, you can just get the fuck out of my country.

Preferably, you should go to the PRC (China) after that, and just learn how much you should appreciate all the little things that you take for granted, like the ability to say how much you irrationally hate everything, an uncensored internet, and the opportunity to spawn as many mini-dipshits as you want (More on why this shouldn't happen next). Anyone else with me on this?

Magazine vs. Clip

As you may gradually learn about me, I love guns. Granted I've never owned one or operated anything besides a shotgun, but I still know a hell of a lot about them.

And in today's modern world, "knowing a hell of a lot" about them could be counted as just one piece of common knowledge: it is a MAGAZINE, not a CLIP.

It doesn't matter how much time will pass since post-WWII (when authority settled on the name), people are still going to call it a clip.

"BUT AKoYo IT'S JUST A WERD, WHO CARE?" A great point that I've heard from many a dipshit. Except it's not. It's just a word, huh? Well you know what else it is? An insult. It's an insult to people with real knowledge on the subject. And by "real knowledge" I mean "doesn't base everything they know about guns from videogames". That's another thing I hate. this problem perpetuates because video game makers always misuse the term in FPS's, thus furthering people's stupidity. Anyway, it's an insult to call it a clip. A common analogy is "that it's like saying socks when you mean boots". No, not good enough. It's like saying "Negro" when all you mean is "black people". What, I shouldn't have said that? Well, back atcha.

"BUT AH LIK TEH WAY IT SOUNDZ, TAHTS Y I SAY IT". That's just plain wrong. Can I refer to my toaster as my "bread-crisper" because it sounds cooler? Can I call my cat the "four legs" because that's what it has? Can I call you a "little bitch" because...oh, wait, that's accurate. Never mind.

"BUT IS CALED TAHT CUZ OF TEH SOUND IT MAIKS GOIN INTO TEH GUN". No, NO IT'S NOT. I mean, calling it that because that's the sound...what? So, now everything has to be named as an onomatopoeia? Do I call my toast "Kralch" because of the approximate sound it makes when I butter it? Do you call the gun itself a "BANG"? Do you call a TV a "Welcome to the Home Shopping Network, you lonely miserable bastard"? Well...that would just be entertaining. But, really, nobody's this stupid.

"SO WAHTS TEH BIG DEEL WIT CALING IT TAHT, ANYWAY?" Because a clip and a magazine are NOT THE SAME THING. The terms are NOT interchangeable. A magazine is the part of the gun that houses the ammunition so it can be fed into the breech somehow, and ultimately be fired. For this purpose, it's spring loaded to make sure there's a round at the top of the magazine when it's still in there. A clip is a speedloading device that quickly puts ammunition into a magazine. It doesn't even (usually) stay in the magazine. So you're not even referring to the same thing if you call it a clip. I don't call my pants cheese, I don't call my curtains toilets, and I don't refer to that armchair as my ISP.

So don't continue to call it a "clip". It just makes you sound like the unintelligent, bumbling, lumbering, mouth breathing, neanderthal that you are.

Oh, and you know what's really unfair? How people who own handguns are allowed to call it a clip. NO, YOU SHOULDN'T. You should be launched into a brick wall, and then I'll take your gun, because why should your dumbass get to own a gun, and not me, when you don't even know what the hell you're talking about? Next person that calls THEIR magazine a clip, I'm going to beat them with it. Nothing a concussion can't fix.

Man, if I was president, there would labor camps and brainwashing seminars to address this very issue. Nobody would get it wrong, and if they did, TOO BAD, slave labor for life. You'll be working alongside the prison inmates. Using convicts for cheap labor...the one thing the Soviets got right. Why don't we put our bad guys to work? They're not good for anything else, and nobody wants them, make them build that new railroad system this country desperately needs.

You see that? If I was in charge, I would have already solved about 17% of the nations problems, in less than 20 minutes, no less. God, I hate humans.

Wikipedia Bashers

Really, why do so many people have to hate one Wikipedia? And/or wikis in general? Oh, right, by using their stupid flawed logic: "UH DONT U KNO ANY1 CAN EDIT IT AT ANY TIM AN MAKE IT SAY W/E THEY WANT". Great point, morons, except for one thing: YOUR ARGUMENT DISPROVES ITSELF. Yes, you can edit Wikipedia to say anything you want. By that, you mean any spamming dickwad can say whatever he wants (this is usually accomplished every 20 seconds by "gangstas" on their rivals' pages), and yet any editor with an ounce of good faith (that's what wikis like to generalize the qualities of decent editors as, "good faith") can change it right back like *snap* THAT.

Seriously, when I systematically prowled my wikis for mistakes, I found a bunch of these dipshits. You know what I found my average response time to be? Five minutes. FIVE minutes. 10 minutes, (for me), tops. You know what the longest period between vandalism, and someone correcting it, that I saw is? 20 minutes. It's only a matter of minutes before your dumbass is no longer in danger of lapping up whatever shit you read, wherever, whenever.

That being said, even on the off-chance that you're a non-editor stumbling upon some of this shit, how stupid would you be to just mindlessly set every damn thing you read, on the internet, down onto stone? I once had a teacher that was just like countless educators across the nation (most of which I've personally had): completely ignorant on the subject. She would prattle on and on, "IF SOMEONE JUST WENT ON AND SCREWED WITH A PAGE SAYING THAT _____ SCHOOL WAS MADE OUT OF CHEESE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, NOBODY WOULD STOP THEM". Yeah, no shit, it's called the 1st Amendment. And then we'd change it back, give them a stupid warning instead of an eternal ban, and then I'll smack you upside the head. Why? Because I'm not a dumbass who would actually buy that, like her.

It's just plain ignorant and insulting to overhear people who say things like "Oh, well, you can't trust Wikipedia, anybody can say anything they want." You know what? Popular pages get protected from attempts to do things like that. If you're not a frequenter of wikipedia, then chances are, you're only going on there for high-traffic pages, anyway. These pages do NOT get messed with. If they do, you can best bet you won't see it for long.

If you got a problem with something you find on the page, then go look for the sources they cite instead, or just, oh, I don't know...GO TO ANOTHER WEBSITE. It's the INTERNET for crying out loud. You really think that, good or bad, Wikipedia is the ONLY way to find information online? Go to a little place called "Google". It's this magical little world that'll find anything you're looking for. Look up (or "query") some popular streets, and go play and traffic, so I never have to hear you again. Ever.